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Monday, May 22, 2017

Becoming Your Own Best Friend

I've been sitting here wondering what my blog post would be about. I kept brainstorming ideas, but couldn't settle on one topic. Deep down, I realized, I already knew what the subject matter was. This post is about trusting others while becoming your own best friend. 

I am learning and growing each and every day. Over the past few months, I've been noticing a pattern surrounding trust. I'm a very trusting person, an open book. When it comes down to it though, there's a handful of people that I know I can depend on. I've come to see that some of the people I have placed my trust in, have caused me harm, shown their true colors and not been the person I thought them to be. And that's ok! Every experience, is just experience! I choose to turn the negative into a positive.  

One of my favorite memoirs, is The Woman I Wanted To Be by Diane Von Furstenberg.
A quote that I love from the book, "The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself." After, I completed reading this memoir, I felt a sense of empowerment. The essence of this quote, has guided me as I have sought to obtain something positive from my experiences (friends who have betrayed my trust). The message that came through, is that it is important to be your own best friend. 

How to become your own best friend!

It starts with love, compassion and respect. 

1. We are our harshest critic. Generally, we are harder on ourself than on someone else. When we engage in negative self talk, it's as if we are setting ourselves up to fail. 
Practice loving yourself more. One great way to do this, is to do a mirror exercise. Anyone can do this. There is not a limit to the amount of self love one can give. 

Stand in front of a mirror. Get close to it. Look into your eyes. Really stare at yourself. Acknowledge what you love about yourself. 
Say a positive mantra such as, "I love myself exactly as I am in this moment."
You might be tempted to just spew negativity about your appearance, but keep at this exercise. In time, you may become more comfortable with it. You may actually enjoy doing it and start seeing yourself in a more favorable light. 

2. Make a list of qualities you would want in a best friend. 

  • Someone who accepts me as I am 
  • A good listener
  • Balanced
  • Optimistic

Next, see how you can give this to yourself. As you work on your own relationship, it sets the tone for the people you allow into your life and how they treat you. 

3. Embark on a journey of self discovery (This might be an opportunity to journal)! 

Ask yourself who you are? Are there things in your life you want to change? 

What are you core values?

Do you have unfulfilled desires? 

What is holding you back? What are you fearful of?

Remove the self doubt that is holding you back. 
Allow yourself to grow by letting go of what is not serving you. 

4. Trust your intuition 

Listen to that voice within. You have this GPS inside, ready to guide you!

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

To subscribe to my blog, you can click the subscribe tab at the top of this page, comment, or give it to me personally. I really appreciate it!

Until next time,


Monday, May 1, 2017

Museum of Broken Relationships

Wow! It's May! Does that mean all of this rain is going to come to an end?

So, I just got back last week from another trip to Las Vegas and Southern California. I had the opportunity to attend the International Travel Goods Show, which is sponsored by the Travel Goods Association. I went to support a friend who just launched a luxury, travel toiletry case, called Luxepak. While there, I met some of the exhibitors and will get to review some of their products on my blog, in the near future for you. :)

I also saw Celine Dion. Oh my gosh! She was amazing. It was surreal watching her perform. 

While I was in California, I went to a museum that a friend of mine had mentioned. It's called the Museum of Broken Relationships. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I explored for almost three hours and wanted to share my experience with you. This museum is dedicated to relationships that didn't work out. People donate objects, along with a description of some sort to be displayed. 

The Museum of Broken Relationships


It is composed of objects donated anonymously by members of the public from all over the world. Each exhibit is an object (some of them ordinary, some of them extraordinary) and a story, which together recount a watershed event in someone's life. 

The exhibits reflect the full range of human emotions. Some are sad; but many are amusing and hopeful and remind us that people change, grow, and recover. Love relationships may end; relationships with family members, business partners, cities, religions, and even with our former selves may end. But we learn and move on. The dislocation of a broken relationship may be isolating, but the experience is universal. No one is alone in this. 

Most people have kept some object, memento or souvenir that, because of its meaning, they do not want to throw away. The museum is always accepting donations. Giving it to the Museum provides a donor with an opportunity to tell their story anonymously and share it with others. The reason for doing so may range from their therapeutic relief to simple closure to the desire to tell their story.

Welcome to the Museum of Broken Relationships in Los Angeles, a city of dreams - many realized and many not - which often leave broken relationships in their wake. 


Here are some of the pieces I saw in the museum :

Wedding Dress In A Jar : 7 Years - San Francisco, United States

After seven years together, five of them married, my husband told me that he felt stuck and that he "probably" didn't love me anymore. Getting married had been his idea. He had to sell me on it. When I finally came around to the idea, we planned a small ceremony near the ocean on the island where we were living. I wore a nontraditional silk dress that was covered in flowers. It seemed festive and I thought I could wear it to other events in the future. I never did wear it again but I cherished it all the years we were married. He's been gone a year and I haven't really known what to do with the dress. Every option has felt wrong. I hate throwing perfectly functional items in landfills but would hate to see someone walking around in my once beautiful but now sadness infused dress. I don't particularly enjoy looking at it either. So I have crammed it in this old dill pickle jar. Mostly for space reasons but any sort of appropriate pickle metaphors can also be invoked.

His Flip Flops: 2007-2015 - Buenos Aires, Argentina

We dated for eight years. He told my sister he was going to propose in December and by February he realized he did not love me anymore. I was broken for almost a year and walking with his flip flops so I would not feel abandoned. Now I know it's over and I am ready to move on and start walking on my own.

Used Up Tube of Toothpaste: September 2014 To Spring 2015 - Los Angeles, California

In the time it took me to go through one tube of toothpaste, I slowly stopped grieving over X.

When I first started sleeping over, I noticed he would set up my toothbrush before we went to bed. Each night there was a neat strip of toothpaste on two brushes, side by side. It was one small thing, of many that made me fall so deeply in love with him, in spite of the fact that  I was perpetually one foot in, one foot out and ready to run.

He was always using a specific brand of toothpaste and when he withdrew from my life, never fully expressing that he was leaving me, I looked for him everywhere. I bought the same brand of toothpaste and felt heartbroken, twice, three times a day.

But the heart heals. When I squeezed the last amount of toothpaste from the very top of the tube, I realized I no longer felt gutted by his absence. But, I still haven't managed to throw the tube away. I think about him in some form every day. I recognize now that my loss was partly my own fault which is, perhaps, an even more bitter pill to swallow.

So if you ever see this and recognize that it's me, please give me a call. I want to know that you're well.

Texas License Plate: 2007 To 2010 - Dallas, Texas

I followed a boy to Texas.
The middle of the country.
I detest that state, and the state it put me in.
Finally one day I drove west on I-10 until I hit the sand
I left.
With a license plate.

"But what bound us broke me."
"Always hidden from public view."
"Secure me, shape me."
"Like the 'love' (?) you gave me."

Tiffany Necklace: May 5, 2013 to September 6, 2015 - San Diego, California

I still remember the first day we met, the first place we traveled to, the first time I held your hand, and the first time I kissed you. I also remember the first quarrel we had, the first break up, the first time I made you heartbroken. This was the first gift I got you with my first payroll of a new job. Now I only wish that I am the last guy who will ever hurt your feelings, and what I did was my last mistake to a girl who so deeply loved me. May your life be full of love and joy, and I will learn to be a better version of myself.

Promise Ring: 2006 To 2009 - Pineville, Kentucky

We were just two kids who couldn't keep a promise.

Souvenir Boomerang: August 2005 to September 2008 - Northern California

The most devastating heartbreak I've ever had was not of a romantic nature. It was a friendship, and it destroyed me in ways I am still discovering today. 

You robbed me of four years of my life. My pictures and memories from that time are ruined because you are in them.

The world was to revolve around you, and whenever I attempted to stand up for myself, you'd turn around and berate me for hours about how selfish I was being, treating you so horribly.

The best part was when you'd deny everything tooth and nail. Thank you for teaching me what gaslighting is, by the way. I will never forgive you. I won't claim to be a perfect person, but there is no justification for someone to treat another person as cruelly as you did me. I am legitimately in awe that you have anyone in your life that considers you worthy of companionship.

And I have to comment on the hilarity that this last relic I have of our "friendship" is a boomerang! An object that gets thrown far away, only to swing around and come right back. Fitting, right? I lost count of how many times you pushed me yo the edge, and every time, you'd manipulate me to come running right back, so you could start all over again. I can't tell you how free I felt when I finally stopped coming back. 

You fuc*king bit*h.

Garfield Plush Toy: 1982 to 1996 - Newbury, Vermont

My eldest daughter of three was age 14 when I initiated a divorce with her father 20 years ago. She broke off our relationship then and I have tried to mend it every year since, fruitlessly. She adored Garfield as a child and I have kept this stuffed Garfield figure of hers with me through three movies of many hundreds of miles from the Midwest to my current location in Vermont - always keeping it out on display.

I am now giving up trying to reestablish a relationship with her and so I am sending her Garfield to you. The sight of it always made me think of her and feel sad. 

Yard Sale Mirror: October 1985 to June 1994 - Los Angeles & Chicago

Craigslist Ad:
Gorgeous Antique Mirror
Carved wood frame in beautiful roses motif
Heavy and solid, very good vintage condition
Can be hung or leaned against a wall
Great for over a fireplace or dresser or as a full length mirror
32 1/2" x 46 1/2"
$100 Reduced $75 REDUCED! $50 OBO Or Best Offer

key words: shabby chic, mid century,antique, vintage, Anthropologie, Hollywood Regency, vintage,  I want to go Danish Modern instead, my boyfriend never appreciated me for who I really am, he is famous now and I am not, I'm not bitter at all, please take this mirror it's too nice for me to just give away or leave on this curb, I don't want seven more years of bad luck if it breaks when I leave it on the curb, this mirror is heavy and old fashioned, this mirror is not my style and no longer works for me kind of like the sad heavy memory of that relationship that didn't work out, please take this mirror, I have tried so many times to get rid of this mirror, it's the only one piece of baggage I am having a really hard time getting rid of, I wonder if it's haunted with someone's soul because it has been really hard to get rid of, I even gave it to my neighbor once who gave it back to me when he went through a similar sad break up when his girlfriend left him after getting hired to write on a television series, I'm lying I asked for it back from him before he moved out, perhaps this mirror is the reason I am still single living with two cats, maybe there is money in the frame and that could be incentive for you to take this mirror I don't know I haven't checked but it's worth a try, please relieve me of the pain of the past and give me $75 for this mirror.

HEAVY! Please be willing to carry it down one flight of stairs because I just don't have the strength to carry the weight of the baggage of my past relationship. 

I suggest you have a car big enough to hold the size of the pair of my break up and bring a friend to help you because I simply cannot give anymore effort to this.

Notes left behind...

My favorite part of the museum, was that there was a private corner,  where you can write a "love confession," if you will. It was such a freeing experience. After writing my own, in this big book full of notes, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let it go

They have a variety of interesting items in their gift shop. I ended up with a tote bag that says, "I miss overeating with you," a shirt with the museum's name on it, and a heart chakra crystal for protection. 

Moral of the story...If you are in LA, check this place out!! 
(Shout out to Alexis who works at the museum for taking the pictures of me and for being a super friendly!) 

Question of the week: What have you found to be helpful after a breakup? 

Have a wonderful first of May! 

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

To subscribe to my blog, you can click the subscribe tab at the top of this page, comment, or give it to me personally. I really appreciate it!

Until next time,