End of 2018 Thoughts....

Happy December 31st! The official last day of 2018! A few days ago, I sat at the computer and felt compelled to just write whatever came to mind. Here's the result....

The past year, I've acknowledged my growth.  I've devoted considerable time to self-care and self-love. As I reflect upon my year, I am becoming emotional, realizing  how far my journey has taken me.. My motto for 2017 was, "I am enough!" I haven't just come to believe it, I've embodied it! I wouldn't say I suffered from low self-esteem, but I'm definitely more confident in the person I am today. One reason for that, is I am allowing myself to love me, as I am... whether I am happy and content or sad and feeling broken. Wherever I am, is okay...I don't need to have all the answers; I don't have to be fearful of making mistakes. I let life flow. I am guided by G-d's spirit; I will be where I am intended to be.

Most of my life, I felt pressured to be perfect. I knew I wasn't; still to me, it seemed everyone else expected that of me. I felt that I was placed on a pedestal. I was also chastised for being "too good" and that in turn made others “feel badly about themselves.” Being extremely sensitive, this would upset me. I couldn't change who I was.

Excerpt from Light is the New Black By Rebecca Campbell

What was I to do? I've always felt different. I don’t sweat the small stuff. I find most people are focusing on things that seem so trivial. I'm not being judgmental; it’s just hard for me to relate. Instead of small talk, I prefer to jump right into a conversation, discussing philosophy or talking about ancient civilizations. I want to learn about a person's core beliefs and what they’re truly passionate about. As I've gotten older, I've learned that this is because I am an old soul. Ask me how old I am, and sometimes, I'll pause; twenty-three years of age, doesn't always come to mind. I have an inexplicable sense of wisdom. I was also blessed with a selfless paternal grandmother; she is no longer on this earth with me; but, I know, she is my guardian angel. I have her eternal love and strength of character pulsing through my veins; I believe that may be the reason that I am as empathetic as I am.

My life experiences, both good and bad, have placed me in this exact moment in time. I've been guided on my current path and I couldn't be more grateful. I like to say, "I turn my pain into purpose" and strive to live my life, with honesty and integrity. I write blogs like these to share my inner thoughts, and to share the journey of my personal growth in hopes of connecting with my readers and inspiring them.

I have reached a juncture in my life where I feel whole. I've done the work and discovered the source of many of my insecurities. Last week, while talking with a dear friend, I answered my own question: “What is preventing me from creating magnificent things for myself?” I begin the creative process but stop myself from attaining far greater successes. What would happen if I just allowed myself to put my creations out there? I often nurture others and their dreams, putting their needs before my own. What if I poured the same amount of time and love into myself? I'm ready to begin a new chapter in my life. I don't know what 2019 has in store for me....but I know it's going to be amazing.

I want to be a voice for those with invisible illnesses, to let them know they aren't alone. I want to stand up for the ones who identify differently from the "norm." What makes the world so great is our diversity. I want to continue to be the light that leads others from the darkness. My calling is to help others, even if it is merely by being available to them and listening. I have tried to fit into a preconceived idea, to make sense of “what I want to do with my life." If I am honest with myself, I have a sense of why I am here...and what I am meant to do. I wasn't put on this earth to fill a void. It is my purpose to create something unique, something unlike anything that has been created before. 

I don't require a nine-to-five job or a standardized education. Those are the opinions of others. I am not one to align with societal norms or expectations. I am meant to be an innovator. My intuition is guided by our Creator. It is time to truly heed the call. One of my greatest discoveries of 2018 is my own voice. I need not be afraid to stand up for what I truly believe. Will fear appear along the way? Most certainly it will! But staying true to one’s self is when miracles will begin to take shape!

I'd love to hear what you are most looking forward to in the coming year. Also, what is something you will commit to?

I commit to living in the moment as much as possible and to create new things, with pure love and joy!

August Thoughts...

Happy Monday!

It's been a while since I last posted, but I am back! This has been a year of growth, introspection, learning, wonderful experiences, and so much more.

I've been a busy bee studying for the majority of it and am now a certified Transformational Nutrition Coach! In addition, I also have begun working as a social media manager (and am loving it)!

I just got back from a trip to Providence, Rhode Island and at the end of June traveled to NYC for the first time. Stay tuned for a post of my adventures! I also plan to do a 23 things before I am 24 post (I  turned 23 on July 11th) and have some ideas to start an interview series to empower women.

Today's blog is a personal one, which y'all seem to really enjoy.

As, I ended 2017, I wrote a post called, "Your Feelings Are Valid," where I expressed my desire to surrender, honor myself and my body and just be. That is exactly what I did for most of the winter and spring time and it was well worth it.

I spent a lot of time sleeping, reading, going for long walks, sitting by the water and mediating, eating cleaner, and letting all the overwhelm I had felt, fade away. It's amazing how clear one can get, when all the chatter and noise is removed. For the first time in a long time, I could hear my own thoughts and not have it clouded by everyone else's...

Spending time alone brought up emotions. When it was just me, myself and I, I was able to really listen and see what needed love and to heal inside. I'm going to share with you three of the biggest things I worked on.

1. Always Apologizing

A dear friend, looked at me one day in the midst of me apologizing to ask what I was sorry for? I began to notice, I would say sorry all the time, when it wasn't warranted. I wondered why I did that, but for the moment decided to just become aware and notice. I sat in front of the creek near my house, staring down to the bottom of it and began to cry. It became clear to me. Growing up, I wasn't expected to be a perfectionist, but there were still standards. For the most part, I was a straight A student. In other aspects of my life, I was constantly being told, "you just don't do things right." I was never shown the "correct" way or told what I did wrong. It made me feel like I couldn't do things and would always assume it was never good enough. My mantra for this year has been that I AM ENOUGH, which is quite fitting. Once, I became aware of this childhood wounding, I then noticed that in conversations with people, I would get a feeling in my stomach that was indicating the person talking, was going to criticize me. 99% of the time that never happens and truly just noticing these things and logically saying to myself..."And so what? What's the worst that could happen?" the trigger began to heal.

2. People Pleasing

I also worked on my people pleasing pattern. As a child, I wanted to feel loved and so I would do whatever I could to please the people around me. You can be nice and kind hearted, but still respect your own boundaries. It's always been hard for me to say no, because I begin to feel guilty. The more I practice honoring myself, the easier it becomes.

3. Manipulative Love

I am a very sensitive being...Part of that is because I am a Cancer, which is a water sign. I'm that person who sees a movie in the theater and will without a doubt start crying...It can be a comedy, and I bet you, I'll still shed a tear! Lol.
I don't like conflict and will do my best to avoid it. In the past, when people would get upset with me, whether they were right or wrong, I would give in to what they were saying. I didn't want to argue with them, it seemed like a senseless battle. Usually, once I would cave, the person would then show me an abundance of love...This was toxic and I've noticed this has been a pattern with many people in my life. I've decided to step up and show up. I deserve to speak my truth and instead of being shown this emotional manipulative love, I choose to love myself and that's enough. It's truly empowering. At first, it felt scary, but once I started speaking up, I felt more balanced and in control and I won't go back to my old ways.

I also created other habits:

• I found I felt my best when I had 8-9 hours of sleep per night. 3-4 hours just wasn't cutting it.

• Listened to Binaural beats/frequencies - I noticed I was getting overwhelmed and that led to anxiety and something that has helped me is to play these sounds to clear the energy from my day.

• I was big on smoothies and juices, and eating clean, but now I drink at least one protein shake a day. Depending on how my gut is doing, I sometimes will drink two. 

• I stopped using the microwave. I was aware of all the dangers and not to mention that most of the foods we microwave are processed, but it was so convenient. I made a commitment to stop using one and haven't used it in over seven months! 

Currently, my focus is on physically clearing my surroundings...Getting rid of papers, clothes, etc. That combined with all the emotional and energetic work has me ready to open myself up to what's next. 

The one constant in our life is change and I am continuing to evolve and better myself each and every day. 

I write posts like this as a way to share my journey, but also in hopes that this may resonate with even just one person who reads this. We are all on this planet together, and you are never truly alone...

I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Do you enjoy posts like these? Have a suggestion on what I should write about next? What new habit would you like to form? What is your goal for the next week?

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

To subscribe to my blog, you can click the subscribe tab at the top of this page, comment, or give it to me personally. I really appreciate it!

Until next time,

XOXOTheZenFashionista

Becoming Your Own Best Friend

I've been sitting here wondering what my blog post would be about. I kept brainstorming ideas, but couldn't settle on one topic. Deep down, I realized, I already knew what the subject matter was. This post is about trusting others while becoming your own best friend. 

I am learning and growing each and every day. Over the past few months, I've been noticing a pattern surrounding trust. I'm a very trusting person, an open book. When it comes down to it though, there's a handful of people that I know I can depend on. I've come to see that some of the people I have placed my trust in, have caused me harm, shown their true colors and not been the person I thought them to be. And that's ok! Every experience, is just that...an experience! I choose to turn the negative into a positive.  

One of my favorite memoirs, is The Woman I Wanted To Be by Diane Von Furstenberg.

A quote that I love from the book, "The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself." After, I completed reading this memoir, I felt a sense of empowerment. The essence of this quote, has guided me as I have sought to obtain something positive from my experiences (friends who have betrayed my trust). The message that came through, is that it is important to be your own best friend. 

How to become your own best friend!

It starts with love, compassion and respect. 

1. We are our harshest critic. Generally, we are harder on ourself than on someone else. When we engage in negative self talk, it's as if we are setting ourselves up to fail. 

Practice loving yourself more. One great way to do this, is to do a mirror exercise. Anyone can do this. There is not a limit to the amount of self love one can give. 

Stand in front of a mirror. Get close to it. Look into your eyes. Really stare at yourself. Acknowledge what you love about yourself. 

Say a positive mantra such as, "I love myself exactly as I am in this moment."

You might be tempted to just spew negativity about your appearance, but keep at this exercise. In time, you may become more comfortable with it. You may actually enjoy doing it and start seeing yourself in a more favorable light. 

2. Make a list of qualities you would want in a best friend. 

Example:

• Someone who accepts me as I am 
• A good listener
• Balanced
• Optimistic

Next, see how you can give this to yourself. As you work on your own relationship, it sets the tone for the people you allow into your life and how they treat you. 

3. Embark on a journey of self discovery (This might be an opportunity to journal)! 

Ask yourself who you are? Are there things in your life you want to change? 

What are you core values?

Do you have unfulfilled desires? 

What is holding you back? What are you fearful of?

Remove the self doubt that is holding you back. 

Allow yourself to grow by letting go of what is not serving you. 

4. Trust your intuition 

Listen to that voice within. You have this GPS inside, ready to guide you!

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

To subscribe to my blog, you can click the subscribe tab at the top of this page, comment, or give it to me personally. I really appreciate it!

Until next time,

XOXOTheZenFashionista