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Tuesday, January 7, 2020

2020...I Can See Clearly Now

As we embark on a new decade, I wanted to take a minute to reflect on 2019. I’ve had a great deal of loss. Three very important people in my life passed away. 

My dear friend Diane, who was such a light to this world. She had a huge heart and love for humanity. She believed in me with every fiber of her being and always reminded me of my value to society and the impact  that I came here to make. 

My sweet Karebear who I met on a chronic pain support group, online when I was eleven years old. She and I were there for each other in the middle of the night when we couldn’t sleep, due to pain. We’d send music back and forth and pictures of our dogs. I’ll always keep her in my heart. 


And then there’s Kinks/Gramps. I can’t honestly process this one yet and it’s been four months. His death was so sudden and reminds me how blessed we are for the present moment. To stay grounded and to hug those you love and to tell them often. You never know what tomorrow will bring. 


I’m so grateful to have had these three individuals in my life. They each helped shape me into the person I am today and I know they’re with me in my heart always, and up above, watching over me.  

There wasn’t just loss and sadness in 2019, but new friendships formed and bonds grew stronger. Shout out to, Brandi who I love so so much. We got super close this year and I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for us. 

It also marked a decade of friendship with Ashley. Are we really this old? I’m lucky to have you in my life and you deserve all the happiness in the world. 

I got to travel to LA and Vegas and be a part of the Chinese Oscars and an award show at the Hard Rock.  


I got to have lunch with my beautiful friend and role model Susan.  

Worked Paleo FX in Austin and one of my best friends, Gina flew in, to do it with me. 

I spent the majority of the year with my Momma Tehrah, and I’m blessed for the laughter and music that she brings to my life. Also the fur babies. That’s pure love and happiness right there. 

I also took a fun birthday trip with my mom, to explore parts of Michigan I had not yet seen. 


I decided to get back into the drivers seat in regards to my health and be the best advocate I could be for myself and find the answers I so deserve.  

I spent 2017, working on “being enough.” 2018 was about “finding my voice” and setting boundaries.  This year was all about “truly loving myself.” I learned that I can do anything I set my mind to. Skills I never imagined having in my toolbox, are now accessible.  I also learned that I may not always get closure in the way I think I deserve. That I need to be able to accept it and move on. 

In 2020, I want to continue exploring and learning. 

To accept that sometimes we outgrow people and experiences, but to enjoy the journey that is life. Each event on our path, leads us to the next...

I want to focus on self-care and listen to what my inner child needs. I want to learn how to be there for others and be the nurturer that I am, while still taking care of my well-being.  

I want to stay as present as possible and to be conscious of my words and the power they have. To surround myself with people who bring out the best in me (and vice versa).  To continue to hold myself accountable for my actions, but also to those around me. I deserve to be respected and my value.  

In 2017, I wanted to create a memory jar. I’d like to attempt this again. The idea is to place a note in a jar each day. It could be about a new experience, an accomplishment, a note of gratitude, etc. I may choose to journal this. My intention is to write something, every day.  

I commit to staying true to who I am. I am not here to be like anyone else. I surrender my pain of this year and the past to G-D. I forgive and let go of anything that does not serve me and is not in the highest good. Miracles take shape when we stand back and truly look around us. We are guided by source, if we allow it to come through.  

And so it is!

I am ready for you, 2020! 

Have you reflected on your year? What’s something you accomplished? How did you grow as a person? What are your intentions and resolutions for the new year?

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

To subscribe to my blog, you can click the subscribe tab at the top of this page, comment, or give it to me personally. I really appreciate it!

Until next time,


Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Yom Kippur Resolutions 5780/2019

Today, is Yom Kippur, a Jewish holiday, known as the day of atonement. It is the holiest day of the year, a time to reflect. It’s a time to make amends; apologize for our actions and promise to do better in the coming year.
Each year, at this time, I think to myself how the year was full of many experiences that taught me life lessons. At times things occurring didn’t make sense, but it’s all led me to be where I am right now.
I am making a conscious choice to let go of anything that does not serve me. Each of us are on a different life path. What is true for us today, may no longer be tomorrow. What is right for us, may not be for someone else. We are constantly evolving and changing and that’s a beautiful part of life.

As I move forward and into this new year, I wrote a list of resolutions; goals for the person I'd like to become. 

Here are some of my resolutions for the year 5780...

  • Blog more often - I want to inspire others and create more content.

  • Read - I want to challenge myself to read at least one book a month. I love learning new things and delving deeper into topics that interest me.

  • Exercise more regularly - I seem to create great habits when it comes to exercise, but due to my life not having a consistent regimen, I end up not sticking with it.

  • To surround myself with people who bring out the best in me (and vice versa) and truly have my best interest at heart - One of my mantras is the quote, "Energy flows where attention goes." I’m human, so I’ll at times notice myself falling into patterns of gossip, depending on the people around me. I really want to be more conscious of the energy in my space and what I am focusing on. I’ve also in the past year, learned who is in my life just for ME...and not for any other other motive.

  • Connect more to G-d and source - I feel so much more balanced when I listen to my intuition and connect to both my higher self and my faith. 

  • Take time for me - I’m a giver by nature. A nurturer. I feel my soul calling is to help people. The truth of the matter is, I’ll do it to my detriment. I’m still learning how to be there for others, and be there for myself just as much. A dear friend posed this question to me; “If you devoted even half the energy you give unto others to yourself, where would you be in your life?” It really got me thinking.
  • Travel to new places - Traveling brings me so much joy and is truly one of the loves of my life. 

In the coming year, I strive to be the best I can be, love myself unconditionally, and always count my blessings...I have so much to be grateful for.

I pray for peace, understanding and lots of love for one another, as we move forward...

Gmar Chatimah Tova! May you be inscribed in the book of life. 

We have 84 days left until 2020 - What is something you'd like to accomplish? 

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

To subscribe to my blog, you can click the subscribe tab at the top of this page, comment, or give it to me personally. I really appreciate it!

Until next time,


Monday, May 6, 2019

Continuing to Learn About Myself: My Identity and the Beliefs Behind Them

Ever since I could speak, I was questioning my surroundings. How did we get here? What is it like in heaven? If we are a product of our environment, then who am I truly? I’m made up of my life experiences and the conditioning of the society I grew up in....

In 2014, I had the pleasure of meeting author and motivational speaker, Hyrum Smith. He speaks about our self worth, our core values, and their origins. He believes that when we make important life decisions, we refer to our governing values. But are they truly serving us and are we conscious and aware of them? And if they change and we don’t acknowledge the change, are we harming ourselves?

At my core...when I think of who I am, the word, “Jewish” is there. I was raised in a very liberal, relaxed Jewish setting. Religion was not forced upon me. We celebrated traditional holidays and G-d was mentioned on occasion, but we didn’t pray before we ate or before we went to sleep. We didn’t regularly celebrate the sabbath or keep kosher. I relished every moment, I spent in Hebrew school and loved going to Temple services on Friday nights, so I could sing my favorite songs and connect to G-d. 

As I got older, I began learning about other faiths. In high school I was a part of Face to Faith, which is an initiative to bring together teenagers from varied faiths/religions. We’d go to a Jain Indian Temple, Jewish synagogues of different denominations, an Episcopalian church, a mosque, virtually anything you could think of. I’ve had the unique experience of drinking water from sacred Mecca. 

I became quite spiritual as I began exploring holistic health (if you’re not familiar with my chronic pain journey, click here). 

Around age fifteen, I started to travel. I  found myself in many “Science of Mind” type places, such as Center for Spiritual Living. Recently, I’ve been studying more about Jesus. I always had an appreciation for diversity and if I find someone is really passionate about something, I want to learn about it. Feel what they feel; I can find a message or a meaning in most anything I take part in. 

Over the last year, I’ve gained clarity...a lot of new age practices have left my life. Mysticism exists in ancient Judaism, but it’s intent is often different in today’s society. I’m not against any of it per se, but I had to become still and ground myself in nature. All the voices needed to go. I spent a lot of time with myself. I find my life to be easier and more simplistic now...It suits me better. I’m happier and healthier, and I feel closer to G-d.

Very recently, I was working at the Paleo Fx conference in Austin, and was wearing a beautiful, vintage cross necklace that I borrowed from my  “Momma T.” ( I really didn’t think anything of it). Hundreds of people must have passed our booth. 

I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s this recognizable quality that someone is Jewish. There’s a familiarity and it’s comforting. I’m used to someone realizing that I’m Jewish and a conversation being struck up. It wasn’t happening and I started wondering why?

A woman came up to our booth and mentioned that I appeared to be Jewish; I lit up. I acknowledged I was Jewish and then she questioned why I was wearing a cross. I told her that I appreciate the symbolism of the cross and in the beauty of the piece of jewelry itself. 

My father went to school with an accomplished Jewish woman who went on to become an artist, sculptor and jewelry designer. She had a close friendship with a woman who was extremely ill; this led her to create cross centric artwork to inspire and comfort others. 
We are each unique and despite our differences, have much in common. 

For me, Judaism is more than a’s also a culture, and shapes who I am.

Hyrum Smith teaches that there is a belief gap, which is between what we believe to be true and what is actually true. We must discover what is in our belief window. Once we can identify, we can than clarify and from there...commit to our personal beliefs. 

I feel more committed now to my faith. This clarity exists for a few reasons...One being, I realize now my connection to G-d comes from within, And every day, I am changing...We all are. What is true for me today, may not be a week from now. My beliefs are allowed to change...(And I allow others the same privilege, without judgement). What’s important is allowing the process. My identity comes from my heart my core. I need to feel the connection internally, not be recognized for it. It doesn’t make me “more Jewish” for someone to acknowledge it, my relationship to G-d is my own. 

Another reason for my new found clarity, is because I’ve let go of much of the foundation that was present in my past 8 years. We all want to feel we belong, that feeling of connection with like minded individuals...a “tribe,” if you will. It’s easy to get caught up in something when the people around you are too. Unfortunately, I know that it was detrimental to me...almost too much of a good thing. 

When I was with my "tribe," everything became about the “universe” and the laws of attraction and the power of positive thinking. Listen, all these laws exist, I truly believe that; but it can consume you...if you let it. Though these laws are working all the time and many are true, I gave too much focus to every thought and word that came out of my the point I was anxiety ridden and wasn't being true to myself. I felt that my being “different” made me special because I was constantly told so. It reached a point that I didn’t want to associate with “normal human beings.” If conversations weren’t about doing oracle card readings and delving into past lives, it didn’t seem important me, and it became isolating. I no longer felt connected to many of the people in my life. I was doing my best to stay in the  "present," and focus on what was in front of me; but the truth is, I was escaping reality. Though, I never felt better than anyone else, I had come to believe I was “enlightened.”

I do believe some of us have a better understanding of the way the world works, and perhaps, are more in-tune...
From this whole experience, I have learned that I don’t want to be anyone’s “guru.” It's exhausting, none of my business (unless others make it), and takes me off my own course. I can impart my wisdom when asked. My truth is exactly that...MY TRUTH. It doesn’t mean it has to be yours. 

I needed a balance and I’ve finally found it...but it came with a high price. One being stepping into a myriad of practices that had me going in circles. What’s interesting is I thought all these practices were helping my anxiety, but they ended up fueling it. There was so much I had delved into that was clouding my own beliefs. It took radical self love to decide what practices I had to let go of, the outings and experiences I partook in, and to the extent I engaged with certain people in my life. This is not a judgment against new age practices. I still engage in listening to binaural beats/frequencies, yoga and various self care practices including mindfulness. This journey hasn't been easy; quite painful at times, but I am very grateful to have reclaimed my personal connection to God. The source of us all. 

While I was writing this blog, a dear friend of mine tagged me in a post on Facebook. She’s the daughter of a holocaust survivor and a singer/songwriter who ‘births’ these songs that just speak to my soul. She shared an original song, called “Remember,” and it made me weep. A Facebook fundraiser has launched in an effort to produce her humanitarian album. If you feel called to share her music or donate, here’s the link. 🙏

I encourage anyone reading this to share their thoughts and personal experiences in the comments. 

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

To subscribe to my blog, you can click the subscribe tab at the top of this page, comment, or give it to me personally. I really appreciate it!

Until next time,