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Monday, August 6, 2018

August Thoughts...

Happy Monday!

It's been a while since I last posted, but I am back! This has been a year of growth, introspection, learning, wonderful experiences, and so much more.

I've been a busy bee studying for the majority of it and am now a certified Transformational Nutrition Coach! In addition, I also have begun working as a social media manager (and am loving it)!

I just got back from a trip to Providence, Rhode Island and at the end of June traveled to NYC for the first time. Stay tuned for a post of my adventures! I also plan to do a 23 things before I am 24 post (I  turned 23 on July 11th) and have some ideas to start an interview series to empower women.

Today's blog is a personal one, which y'all seem to really enjoy.

As, I ended 2017, I wrote a post called, "Your Feelings Are Valid," where I expressed my desire to surrender, honor myself and my body and just be. That is exactly what I did for most of the winter and spring time and it was well worth it.

I spent a lot of time sleeping, reading, going for long walks, sitting by the water and mediating, eating cleaner, and letting all the overwhelm I had felt, fade away. It's amazing how clear one can get, when all the chatter and noise is removed. For the first time in a long time, I could hear my own thoughts and not have it clouded by everyone else's...

Spending time alone brought up emotions. When it was just me, myself and I, I was able to really listen and see what needed love and to heal inside. I'm going to share with you three of the biggest things I worked on.

1. Always Apologizing

A dear friend, looked at me one day in the midst of me apologizing to ask what I was sorry for? I began to notice, I would say sorry all the time, when it wasn't warranted. I wondered why I did that, but for the moment decided to just become aware and notice. I sat in front of the creek near my house, staring down to the bottom of it and began to cry. It became clear to me. Growing up, I wasn't expected to be a perfectionist, but there were still standards. For the most part, I was a straight A student. In other aspects of my life, I was constantly being told, "you just don't do things right." I was never shown the "correct" way or told what I did wrong. It made me feel like I couldn't do things and would always assume it was never good enough. My mantra for this year has been that I AM ENOUGH, which is quite fitting. Once, I became aware of this childhood wounding, I then noticed that in conversations with people, I would get a feeling in my stomach that was indicating the person talking, was going to criticize me. 99% of the time that never happens and truly just noticing these things and logically saying to myself..."And so what? What's the worst that could happen?" the trigger began to heal.

2. People Pleasing

I also worked on my people pleasing pattern. As a child, I wanted to feel loved and so I would do whatever I could to please the people around me. You can be nice and kind hearted, but still respect your own boundaries. It's always been hard for me to say no, because I begin to feel guilty. The more I practice honoring myself, the easier it becomes.

3. Manipulative Love

I am a very sensitive being...Part of that is because I am a Cancer, which is a water sign. I'm that person who sees a movie in the theater and will without a doubt start crying...It can be a comedy, and I bet you, I'll still shed a tear! Lol.
I don't like conflict and will do my best to avoid it. In the past, when people would get upset with me, whether they were right or wrong, I would give in to what they were saying. I didn't want to argue with them, it seemed like a senseless battle. Usually, once I would cave, the person would then show me an abundance of love...This was toxic and I've noticed this has been a pattern with many people in my life. I've decided to step up and show up. I deserve to speak my truth and instead of being shown this emotional manipulative love, I choose to love myself and that's enough. It's truly empowering. At first, it felt scary, but once I started speaking up, I felt more balanced and in control and I won't go back to my old ways.

I also created other habits:

  • I found I felt my best when I had 8-9 hours of sleep per night. 3-4 hours just wasn't cutting it.

  • Listened to Binaural beats/frequencies - I noticed I was getting overwhelmed and that led to anxiety and something that has helped me is to play these sounds to clear the energy from my day.

  • I was big on smoothies and juices, and eating clean, but now I drink at least one protein shake a day. Depending on how my gut is doing, I sometimes will drink two. 

  • I stopped using the microwave. I was aware of all the dangers and not to mention that most of the foods we microwave are processed, but it was so convenient. I made a commitment to stop using one and haven't used it in over seven months! 
Currently, my focus is on physically clearing my surroundings...Getting rid of papers, clothes, etc. That combined with all the emotional and energetic work has me ready to open myself up to what's next. 
The one constant in our life is change and I am continuing to evolve and better myself each and every day. 
I write posts like this as a way to share my journey, but also in hopes that this may resonate with even just one person who reads this. We are all on this planet together, and you are never truly alone...

I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Do you enjoy posts like these? Have a suggestion on what I should write about next? What new habit would you like to form? What is your goal for the next week?

As always, if you have any questions, leave a comment below or feel free to email me at TheZenFashionista@Gmail.Com 

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Until next time,